Pomegranates prevent us rusting away. They also help to prevent heart disease, relieve stress and improve sex life. How sad.
Has it really come to this? Are we to be reliant upon a fruit that tastes like leather for achieving emotional results that we should be able to get for ourselves?
The Spanish researchers who produced this recent report have made no comment on life without pomegranates. Maybe their sponsorship by Pomegranate PurePlus forbad it.
The most significant factor in health and longevity - far beyond not smoking or using drugs, drinking little alcohol and keeping a trim figure through diet and exercise - is to develop a long term happy close relationship.
If we achieve that, we will live longer, have less heart disease, less stress and a good sex life.
Who needs pomegranates?
I feel reluctant to be seen with a pomegranate ever again, for fear of the implications.
There is just one pleasure to be gained from eating pomegranates: the adventure in eating them. Peeling away the skin, and devouring the pink seeds by scraping them off with my teeth, reminds me of Tom Jones - the luscious film, not the pant-less singer.
Doing that in public would leave nobody in any doubt about my prowess, or lack of it. If it's all the same to you, I'll do it in private.